Bodybuilding as the meaning of life: why I do it
Over the years I’ve often been asked why I do bodybuilding. Why the strict diets, why the stage, why all of it. For a long time the honest answer wasn’t clear even to me — it only landed once I got these lines down on paper.
How bodybuilding came into my life
To start with, I have to say that I truly love bodybuilding. Everything to do with nutrition, training and competitions makes my eyes light up. But it didn’t start with bodybuilding. It started with a fire that has burned in me since childhood, one I can’t quite put into words myself.
I’ve always been small. In PE class I stood at the end of the line without having to think about it. But in sport I could burn so hot that I couldn’t hold back tears after losing a game of dodgeball. Later I found football and stuck with it for nearly a decade. I mostly wore the captain’s armband — coaches saw something in me that they didn’t see in others. I could run for 90 minutes until I was out of breath, shout at the whole team, and play while both boots were rubbing and I had tampons stuffed in both nostrils. Nauseous from the sheer frenzy of it all. But that was exactly what I needed.
A knee injury put an end to football. For the time that followed I was aimless — neither an athlete nor anything else. Then I came across the Fitness.ee site for the first time. I looked at photos of men like Ott Kiivikas, Marek Morozov, Janar Rückenberg, Marek Kalmus and Taavi Koovit. I don’t know what it was about their muscles that gripped me. I wondered to myself whether I, too, could build that kind of physique. I had no thoughts of competing at that point — I just wanted to put some meat on my bones and pick up a bit of knowledge.
As time went on, I became more and more interested in competitors and competitions. One February day in 2012, at the gym in Tabasalu, none other than Indrek Otsus himself walked up to me. Indrek, who would become my first coach for several years, asked with his characteristic directness whether I’d like to compete.
My jaw dropped. I knew exactly who I was dealing with, and out of sheer awe I couldn’t get a word out at first. I don’t even remember what I answered him. What I do remember is that a minute later I’d already thrown off my shirt and heard Otsus say: “I’d looked at you before, and we could definitely give it a try.” From that moment, everything started over. New kind of training, new kind of nutrition. Indrek set me on the right path, and real progress began at that very moment.
My first competitions and bodybuilding as a lifestyle
Indrek and I planned for me to compete at the Estonian Championships in autumn 2012. It was the end of September, the diet had held up, and everything was working. I lived and breathed the rhythm of bodybuilding and would have been ready to step on stage. But fate had other plans. When I went to the emergency room with sudden stomach pain, it turned out my appendix had to come out. Surgery, recovery, a longer break. Without a moment’s hesitation, I started a new prep for spring 2013.
The first competitions were pretty scary. Everyone looked much bigger than me, and in my head I’d braced for the worst. There’s no point writing out the results here — in short, it went better than expected. Thinking back, it wasn’t really that far beyond expectations, because I had worked hard.
In autumn 2013 it went even better. Suddenly I had become one of Estonia’s top bodybuilders. Not only that — at the Nordic Championships in classic bodybuilding I came second, and at the World Championships fifth. As they say: be careful what you wish for, because it might come true.
After that first year I received great recognition. I saw that I was valued and that all my hard work had paid off. That was the moment I first realized that bodybuilding wasn’t just a hobby for me. It was something more.
The reasons I stay with bodybuilding
I’ve tried to understand why I do all this. The answer isn’t one thing but several — and over the years these reasons have become clearer and clearer.
First: the emotion after a successful competition. It’s indescribable. Those who know, know. Everything that seemed hard became motivation for me. The feeling I had after a competition was worth every moment when I was tired and my stomach was insanely empty. Worth it for spitting out the kama ball that I had put in my mouth in a delirium.
Second: willpower and growing as a person. I learned to love bitter black coffee. In the same way, I learned to love oats cooked in water, which at first seemed disgusting. It all felt good and right, because I knew that by going about it this way I would reach my goal. Every time I felt like going and eating the fridge empty, I repeated to myself: “If I do more for my goal than others do, I have a chance to be better than the others.” Friends and family admired my willpower, and that only gave me more momentum.
Third: recognition. I don’t know whether the need is really that big, but it seems that it’s one of the main reasons I’m in this sport. I like it when I’m held up as an example to someone. I’ve hidden this behind modesty, but honestly — it matters.
Fourth: meaning and purpose. Bodybuilding has taught me how to live. After football I was pretty aimless and directionless. Bodybuilding built my sense of duty and willpower, and without my even noticing, the goalless young slacker became a young man with real goals. At last I knew who I wanted to be. Bodybuilding is good in that sense: you’re on your own, and you have nobody to count on but yourself. There’s no team you have to take into account. Be a man and do your job.
Fifth: achievement. I remember I started training for a very plain reason: I wanted to put some meat on my bones. Bigger muscles. Vain as I am, I was constantly circling in front of the mirror. When, half a year later, I realized that quite a few of my muscles had grown, I felt something that is reason enough in itself. It’s the feeling of achievement.
Sixth: vanity. I’m one damn vain creature. I enjoy being able to stroll around town in a tank top in the summer. I like the stares, and it makes absolutely no difference whether they’re disparaging or admiring. A need for attention, what else. I like to stand out, and for me those stares are a kind of recognition.
Bodybuilding as the world I dreamed of
Damn it, it was only yesterday that I was looking at photos of my role models on Fitness.ee and reading articles on how to grow muscle. That whole world seemed like science fiction, distant and out of reach.
And today? My role models have become my friends and acquaintances. Right now it dawns on me that I’m writing articles for Fitness.ee myself. I truly hope some of my pieces are interesting to read, and any feedback is very important to me. I’ve received a lot of recognition and I have to be immensely grateful for all of it.
I’m in the world I once dreamed of. In fact, I never thought I’d get this close. Now I believe in and hope for even more. Life is still ahead of me. Bodybuilding has given my life meaning, without exaggeration. That is exactly why I do all this, and why I love it.
FAQ about bodybuilding
Why does bodybuilding require such a strict diet?
Because competitive bodybuilding judges what is left once the layer of fat has been stripped away. To an outside observer the strict contest-prep diet looks like madness, but on stage you see the athlete exactly as training has shaped them. A full stomach and a competition goal, unfortunately, don’t always go together.
How do you find the right coach?
Look for someone whose athletes you’ve seen on stage, or whose results are plain to see. I was helped by Indrek Otsus, and the difference was noticeable right away. A good coach doesn’t just talk to you about exercises; they put a system in your head.
Does bodybuilding make a person one-sided?
To some extent, yes. It’s a sport where you alone are responsible for every step you take: meals, sleep, training, diet. But that sole responsibility is exactly what gives bodybuilding a meaning that team sports don’t offer.
I’ll add that now that I’ve got these lines down on paper, I’m of two minds. Should I even give you this piece to read? It feels a bit too personal, and God knows what you might think of me after reading this. Oh well. Think what you will. That’s how I see it.
Author: Peep Reinart
Come and train! ArtGym
